From the desk of Lauren Epstein, Strategic Planner WKNY:

“Keiji.

Everyone knows that at least one girl always survives a zombie invasion.  And it’s not just because boys want to know that they’ll have perky boobs to look at from the prologue through to the ending credits.

First of all, women are used to all kinds of pain and suffering.  They can keep calm and carry on.

They are pragmatic.

They often organize the troops and are able to incite follow through and diffuse tense situations.

Fix the blog.  It doesn’t have to be me (in fact, it should not be), but there should be some girl power there.

Just think about ‘28 days later’- at the end, it was one dude and two girls.

Thanks,

WFZFE (women for zombie-fighting equality) ”

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Dear Lauren,

This year, the easy choice for Zombie Champ was Stuart, but that’s not to say that women weren’t in the running. Our esteemed panel of judges unanimously voted our own A Hill 4th overall. She was chosen not for her sex but for what she might add to a Zombie Survival Situation. She is tough as nails, highly pragmatic and has the ability to communicate quickly and efficiently with people of all attitudes and psychological constitutions. She, like the other top choices, is not scared to pull the trigger. But she was voted 4th overall so i didnt throw her up on the writeup. Our money’s on Stu, but look at her–She’s a zombie-killing machine.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010: STUART JENNINGS

It should be pretty unsurprising to everyone, but the undeniable Zombie Survival Champion 2010 is Stuart Jennings (CD, ESPN). Stuart is in great condition physically and I don’t think anyone doubts he could kick an ass or two if it came down to it. He’s a country boy, which means he’s probably pretty alright with melee weapons and might have fired a gun a couple times in his life. He’s also pretty damn rational guy who makes decisions quickly and tends to stick with them. Also, he probably wouldn’t screw you so thats a bonus.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010 Runner-Up: JOEY B

Look, he’s a Puerto Rican Irishman from the BX with a Heart of Gold. This guy is a feakin’ tank that works out non-stop and if it came down to it, would go all beserker-barrage on some zombie ass.

The best part about Joey though, is that he would never screw you. And if things got really bad, he might even sacrifice himself to save you. Another strange intangible that Joey brings is that he has a firm hold on the cold unforgiving truth of matématico, which would be helpful in later stages of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010 Honorable mentions: JAMIE CARREIRO

Jamie is a sleeper hit because while not as immediately visible as other choices, he is an incredibly well-rounded guy intellectually. One of those dudes that is supernaturally inclined to learning and retaining information, Jamie’s well of knowledge extends into all kinds of things from math to science(including chemistry, physics and some biology) to technology and even engineering. Furthermore he is probably the only guy in the office who has made a working flamethrower.

So, while at dinner the other night Phil and I realized that we were curious who would be the best person in the office to have with you in the event of a zombie invasion (zombie apocalypse).

So please take a moment to think about who in the office is best equipped to survive a zombie invasion. Are they physically strong? Are they particularly good at fighting? Are they smart or decisive? Handy with technology? Whatever it is, who is the Zombie Survival Champion of the office?

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