Amidst the absurd controversy, some undeniable facts about surviving a Zombie Invasion must be addressed. The person best suited for this situation must be physically strong and prepared to fight (whether psychologically emotionally, and especially technically). They must also be agile, both physically and mentally. They need to have the mental constitution to make good decisions quickly, and to recognize errors early enough to rectify them. They must be practical. They must have a good understanding of space, and know how to use it. They must be good communicators who are able to organize group activity quickly and effectively. They must impress upon you the confidence that not only will they survive, but you might too if you hang around them.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010: STUART JENNINGS

It should be pretty unsurprising to everyone, but the undeniable Zombie Survival Champion 2010 is Stuart Jennings (CD, ESPN). Stuart is in great condition physically and I don’t think anyone doubts he could kick an ass or two if it came down to it. He’s a country boy, which means he’s probably pretty alright with melee weapons and might have fired a gun a couple times in his life. He’s also pretty damn rational guy who makes decisions quickly and tends to stick with them. Also, he probably wouldn’t screw you so thats a bonus.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010 Runner-Up: JOEY B

Look, he’s a Puerto Rican Irishman from the BX with a Heart of Gold. This guy is a feakin’ tank that works out non-stop and if it came down to it, would go all beserker-barrage on some zombie ass.

The best part about Joey though, is that he would never screw you. And if things got really bad, he might even sacrifice himself to save you. Another strange intangible that Joey brings is that he has a firm hold on the cold unforgiving truth of matématico, which would be helpful in later stages of a Zombie Apocalypse.

Zombie Survival Champion 2010 Honorable mentions: JAMIE CARREIRO

Jamie is a sleeper hit because while not as immediately visible as other choices, he is an incredibly well-rounded guy intellectually. One of those dudes that is supernaturally inclined to learning and retaining information, Jamie’s well of knowledge extends into all kinds of things from math to science(including chemistry, physics and some biology) to technology and even engineering. Furthermore he is probably the only guy in the office who has made a working flamethrower.